For personality types that are on the introvert side, growing up in western civilization has probably been difficult at times.  In a highly socialized and technologically pervasive society introverts are almost pathologized as being deficient.

Since introverts enjoy their alone time they are often considered peculiar at best and weird at worst.  While extrovert types gain energy from their social lives, the introvert finds himself gaining inspiration and momentum in his time alone.  He sees himself as an outsider at most times and will always maintain this perspective.  A highly contemplative and introspective mind tends to have him over analyze many simple aspects of life like socialization and thus can become an outcast.

For many this can lead to depression, anxiety and even suicide.

What most on this spectrum of personality do not realize is that due to their innate abilities they have the power to become a behemoth.

god among ants.

Reframing Perspectives

reframing perspective

It is very easy for the introvert to fall into negative feedback loops and bad thought patterns which serve only to diminish his natural abilities and leave him crippled in the post modern insane asylum of pad locked absurdity.

Every thought you have about yourself and the ideas you accept from other people form a perspective in your mind.  This perspective is a frame of reference that you use to associate within the surrounding environment.  It also is the anchor your egoattaches to amidst the storm of information overload in the modern world.

It is like the inner guide which tells you who and what you are in relation to everything else.

For the introvert who is an outcast, a wayward loner lost on this earth. He must view himself surely as the captain of the last ship of hope adrift a black and soulless sea.  A brutal conqueror unfairly gifted with the power to see from outside the box that simpletons and idiots live within.  The reeking cesspool of human entropy which we know as the masses.  The equalized number of the lowest common denominator.

The introvert gathers his power from within.  He must take the helm of his thoughts and not allow them to wander into hopelessness and despair.  He must guide and direct them necessarily into that glorious hall of the few, the proud and strong.

He simply MUST possess the defiant and magnetic power of a self made man who kneels for no one.  The savage eyes of a frightening creature who has been to the absolute fucking end of himself and back again.

Emotions and The Introvert

Most on the introvert spectrum are outwardly reserved, stoic even with their emotions.  Social mores and conventions can appear convoluted and pointless to his highly analytical mind.  The search for logical truth at all costs can cause the introvert to careen into mental spaces and crash violently into the manufactured realities of the crude and crass.

It is this power that can elicit the emotions of dismay, threat and even fear from those around him.  The introvert must realize he has the inborn ability to draw from within and create emotional power.

Not only can he be the master of his own reality.  If he is strong and trained enough he can be the all powerful reality dominating the minds of those in his sphere.

Since the feelings of the introvert aren’t easily communicated to those around him the emotions he feels are often ruminated upon, analyzed and wondered over in the never ending labyrinth of his thoughts.  This causes his emotional power to skyrocket as if possessed of some ethereal essence.  Instead of allowing this great energy to destroy him the introvert must discipline and train himself to channel it for supply to his narcissism.  He must exude the glowing power which he in draws from the ever flowing rivers of his heart.

Mind And Heart

mind and heart

The introvert must spend countless hours alone traveling down the biways and highways of his heart of darkness.  He must meditate constantly on wedding his emotional desires to the logical foundation of his calculating mind with an over arching purpose.  That purpose is to destroy any hint of weakness from within himself.  To conquer and dominate every single obstacle in his way.

To crush everyone who dare oppose him.

Harness your emotions and use them like a weapon against the weak.  Channel your emotional power not to wallow in negative self loathing but swell with pride as a polarizing force in the world drawing others in with fearsome beauty.

A magnetic power can be the ultimate energy vibrating from within the self actualized introvert.

My Perspective

All my life I knew I was different.  I could see things that those around me could not.  I had a perspective all my own.  Instead of encouraging me to focus and enhance this natural strength I was castigated for it.  From the get go in early years of public schooling I was put into a mental and literal box several times while attending school.  One school locked me in a closet all day.  I am flattered to know that the school made up this punishment just for me.

This only caused me to assume that I was being held in some form of opposition by others around me.  Others whom I had no intention to be cross with or idea why they were at odds with me.

So the distance I felt only widened.  For years and years I suffocated in the poisonous and paralyzing mist of self hatred.  I had absolutely no clue why I was this way.  No one seemed to offer any meaningful answers.

Instead of answers they wished to pour an endless cascade of drugs down my throat.  To put me in a room with a paid stranger and tell them my most personal thoughts.  I grew to loathe those supposedly charged with benevolent care as teachers and role models.  Every authority and every person wanted to tell me what to do or place me where I did not necessarily wish to be.

I naturally grew a fiery rage and defiant attitude because of this.  Not even a few years out of the womb and I’m being carted off and bused to places so i could be indoctrinated and molded into the lifeless matter of obedience and submission to strangers.  How disgusting!

How dare they I thought.  These foreigners and interlopers telling me what to do and what I should say constantly.  A delirious haze of unknown faces always before me.  I could not help but feel under constant threat.  I began to resist at an early age.

Consumed By Shadows

hidden in shadow

Since I was effectively outcast from those around me I quickly found productive things to do alone.  I loved to read.  I could see things with great clarity in my mind.  I was attracted to the idea of strengthening the body and mind around the age of puberty.  I bought a small library of books on martial arts and attempted to teach myself as best I could.  I read many books on Zen philosophy, Taoism,  and meditative practices.  I practiced several forms of meditation nightly.  I began to travel the great depths of my mind and emotions.

I taught myself several forms or kata from many of the books I read.  I bought Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kune Do around 12 and I loved it so much that I would sit in my room for hours hand copying page after page just to internalize some of the concepts.

These times I look back at with fondness in my conviction to become better.

Many times my mind and thoughts simply overwhelmed me and I could not acclimate to the world around me.  I withdrew further from the world into despair and self pity.  I thought of myself as the lowest form of life.  I contemplated suicide a great many times.  Ultimately it was too cowardly an act that I could just give up with all my faculties remaining youthful and growing.

Hatred For Weakness

At a young age I traveled to the absolute end of myself psychologically.  I draped myself in self loathing and despair until there was none left.  Then I picked myself back up with more resolve and dedication to become stronger than ever before.  That which does not kill you only makes you stronger.

At 17 I became obsessed with lifting weights and becoming as physically big as possible.  I committed to a regimen of 6 meals a day.  I was willing to  do whatever it takes.  I remember shoveling food down and forcing myself to eat one more bite only to have that last bite cause me to puke.  Then I forced myself to continue eating in order to make up for that.

In 3 yrs I went from 160 pds to 215 pds.

After that I kept taking the hard road.

I wrote a little about that journey here.

I am an INTJ.  I have the rarest personality in the entire world at 2% of the population.

This means I am a shining gift to everyone blessed with my presence or my words.  Or a terrible specter of doom for those who love pretty lies.

My memory is long.

My patience thin.

My heart is savage.

I dream rising from pools of blood and piles of my lifeless enemies behind.

Harness Your Power

harness power

Finally the introvert must accept he is special and different.  He must allow this fact to fill him with confidence.  His emotions and thoughts have immense power.

He must meditate upon this every single god damn day.

First you must improve yourself to rise above the rabble in some specific way.  You must not only rise above.  You must become a Master.  Most of all you must recognize the magnetic power you have in drawing others to you.

This is destiny.

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